Wednesday, September 9, 2015

What happens when you have no more to give?

I was watching a show with Jane Seymour exploring the lives of two of her Jewish great aunts. Both aunts were greatly affected by Hitler's Regime in the Second World War. 

One of them was split up from her husband and children, all of which ultimately died. She was able to be united with her sister, only to have likely committed suicide close to when her six month visa was running out, and she may have had to return to a place that might have meant certain death.

This woman had survived so much. Jane seemed astounded that she would get through the mess of life and pain, only to decide to end it all.

In thinking about it, I think I can understand why. For one, she must have been exhausted emotionally and physically. To have to return where she came from would likely compel her to push for more survival energy than she had available. 

Another piece? She knew what Hitler was doing with the Jews. She may have thought that if she was going to die, she'd rather do it on her terms. She picked a beautiful spot/field to end her life. I am sure it was more "appealing" than the gas chambers.

When I think about cancer and dying, I wonder what it would be like to preempt what I am told the end is like. A part of me would rather just go to sleep "forever" than suffer miserably, at length.

I suppose there is the possibility of unforeseen, positive outcomes, but there is also the risk of something absolutely horrendous.  How in the world does one know which way is the best to go? 

There will be those who think preemptive strikes could not be more wrong. But, if one is given the option to in some way take care of themselves, why is that so wrong?

I can't imagine the horrors of those caught up in every aspect of Hitler's devastating actions. Avoiding being a fatal victim of it must have been quite a stressful feat.

After a while it is very hard to keep going, and this is said from someone who has not dealt with anything near as tragic as those I am speaking of.

What happens when you just have no more to give? I imagine it is something like when my body can just barely move. It doesn't matter how much I want it to, or how much I think it should, or that others think in some way it could, sometimes I just have nothing.

I am thinking there comes a mental fatigue point that is not unlike what I just described.

I feel like I have flirted with it more than a time, or two.

So many tell me, "stay strong," and yet there are many who also tell me they don't think they could do what I have done. Inspiration is great for the observer, but can take one hell of a toll on the person whose survival actions inspire.

I am sure no one in a crisis does anything  more than just try to survive. I am fairly certain it unlikely anyone like that sets out to be an inspiration, or tends to even think themselves one. 

They are just trying to survive.

And sometimes the thing a person has to hold onto isn't much. What is there when there seems to be nothing to live for?

Jane's aunt lost her home, her husband, her children, her lifestyle, and saw nothing but utter destruction. I could all too easily see how difficult it would be to choose life, especially one that might quickly, violently end.

I know there would be those who would disagree, but she may have given herself a gift by what she did. 

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