I just saw a story about a woman who got $10,000 online in just a few days after someone said something not nice to her. The details don't matter, and she may deserve every penny and more. But, here's the thing...it bothers me, any way. It bothers me because I am struggling to survive for months now and pay the bills while I deal with cancer. So many have visited this blog and my GoFundMe pages, and I don't get the kind of reaction people do - like the older woman who was a bus monitor and walked away with something in the range of $750,000.
If I could just get a reaction from people that helped me in a big way, it would mean so much to me. It would mean I could take the trip I want to take, and I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. It would mean for the first time in a long time I could just BE without an underlying concern of how I am going to make it.
It is not like I don't offer anything in exchange. It's not like I expect something for nothing, although the times it happens, it is amazingly wonderful. My life and experience right now is very much about something much more than I am. I "willingly" put myself in uncomfortable places because it feels like the place I am supposed to be. I feel like I am supposed to stir things up.
I really would love a miracle. I would really love for an angel to come along and help me in a big way. I have done so much in my life for others, and I want to continue to. I just need help in a big way. I would love the feeling of freedom not having to worry about money would bring - for this trip, and beyond.
If there is any way you can help make that happen, I would so very much appreciate it. As this day ends, I find myself exhausted once again. I had a Reiki session earlier, and maybe that has something to do with it, as healing has its own pull on the body resources.
Even if no one reading this is willing or able to help, I am sending this out to any powers that may be in the universe as a prayer. Please bring someone to me that understands and appreciates what I am trying to do and want to do and who wants to support me in making it happen. I am more than happy if that someone turns out to be someones turning out en masse. I just want to be able to do what my heart and soul is crying out to do, and I want to do what I can to help my body survive this ordeal.
Thank you for the bounty I have already received and for the wonderful things that do come my way, and for the gifts of the soul that this experience has brought that I may not have been able to have receive or find any other way. I know I am valuable and worth it, please help me find a way to express things so that I may find others who agree. Please give me the strength to keep going even when it seems there may be no, or very little, point as I know there is much I never will know without being able and willing to take the steps I do.
Some terrible things lead to some amazing things. I know that. Please help me survive the terrible things so that I may relish the amazing ones. Some days are so cloudy and rainy it is difficult to see much else but the rain, but I am trying. Really. I am.
(If anyone reading this wants to help, please click the above banner to find out how to. Thanks.)
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That is sad. I am so sorry to hear about your cancer and how people are not supporting it. I my prayers are being sent your way as you continue to walk towards the path of healing.
ReplyDeleteWishing you all the best. My Sister is currently recieving treatment.xxxxx
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