Mish-Mosh

Feeling such a mish-mash of emotions. A really good friend of mine I think is having difficulty with what is happening tonight. I said something that I didn't realize would wound. He lost both parents to cancer, and went through a lot in the process. When I first was diagnosed, I didn't want to tell him, but I had to. His response, "Don't repeat the pattern."

I certainly did not intend to. I certainly do not intend to.

The thing is, though, his mother was a lot like me. The more I learn about her, the more if anyone could have, should have, survived, it should have been her. When I consider that, it scares me. What is the difference between someone who survives and someone who doesn't?

I once heard that every illness can be healed, but not every person.

I don't know what I think of that.

Earlier I had a pendulum in my hand. As I was staring at it, my eyes adjusted in a way that I saw two of them. As I stared I thought about how one was "real," and how the other was not. But how could I tell which one was the real one? At one moment I would be somewhat convinced that the left one was, but then I would be somewhat convinced the right one was. But I really did not know what was real.

I was thinking about how this was a metaphor for our "reality." Some things seem real, only to be disproven. Some things seem to be more real than others. Is "real" the us that transcends the body? Is "real" the part of us that is without the confines of the body? Of course, one has to believe there is more. I don't know how it can be discounted when so much that once wasn't known now is. There is a lot we do not know.

So as I was thinking about all of this, I closed my eyes, and opened them. The 2 became 1. At that moment I realized that the real and the unreal not only co-exist, but they are quite possibly the same thing.

What does this all mean? I am not really sure. Tonight my abdomen is feeling stuff that I wish it wasn't. I am a bit nervous about everything that is happening. I am doing my best to trust that I am going where I need to go and do what I need to do to be able to stick around for a good, long while.

There are times like earlier that I think I see glimpses of helpful things. I guess time will tell just how helpful. In the meantime, I am claiming my miracle. It may not be how I want it to be, but who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky.

I really don't want it to be that you are reading this any time soon, and I am gone. I so hope that is not the case.

Please claim the miracle with me. Feel it in your mind and body. Feel what it feels like to know I am cancer free and able to do more here on this planet. There is a video on this page that talks to this idea in an incredibly powerful way. Anyone willing to do it, I would love to ask that you do it whenever inclined, but I am also asking for it to be at 9PM daily, to harness group energy. I have zero expectation, but whatever you are willing to do/whenever you are willing to do it, would be appreciated.

Thanks.

---

Contact Me (Elizabeth Alraune)
Read My Story
View My Vlogs
About this (relate to cancer) Blog - Click Here
Read about where things are currently
Would you like to be a guest blogger?