I am feeling pissed. I am trying to get past it, too. Hard to do both at the same time. Since I have been diagnosed I have seen people raise money for a myriad of things. Many for wonderful things, and likely good people. The thing is, despite reaching out over and over and over the last year and half, the results I have had have been trickles.
One woman recently was given $10k raised in 3 days on her behalf in part, because she was called a name. Owners of pets requiring surgery have received thousands. I have asked for help, but I have also extended myself.
Do people just not get it? I do not understand. I am reaching a crucial part of my situation, and at the same time I am facing my most significant - potentially life threatening - decision, I am running out of money and resources, and having a healthcare crisis precipitated by the new healthcare system that was supposed to make everything better.
A week ago I was at a train station in tears. A part of me had already given up. What was the point of survival if all I was going to do was face decisions that could lead to suffering? Today I have been reminded of how impossible things are not only for me, but many others. It has made me want more than ever to conquer this so I can stand up and yell and scream and demand that others take notice.
I believe in my heart that people don't want to look at things like this because they do not really understand them, and they cannot understand them if no one talks about it. At the same time, I am feeling really frustrated with my situation, my options, and the seeming impossible choices I need to make about things that are seemingly outside of my control.
There are HUMAN BEINGS SUFFERING from a lack of humanity. We are human. We need to be treated humanely, not as a nuisance, not as an annoyance, not as spam, not as a commodity, not as a thing to be manipulated or controlled, not as a dollar value, not as an item on an agenda. Where the hell is the humanity?
Are we as a society that intentionally blind? Are we that caught up in our own stuff that we cannot reach out for another in need? And before you say the, "I wish I could help, but..." There are all kinds of things you can do, if you want to. Many of which do not include money. One option is to give even just $1.
Can I afford $1? No. But I have been giving $1 to people in need to prove a point, not only to myself, but also potentially to anyone listening. I have been where many who will read this and do nothing have stood, so I do not judge you.
But what I will do is challenge you in a way that no one ever challenged me.
I challenge you to look at things with a different eye and perspective, to open up to things you may have been closed to. I am not saying you need to help every single person who asks. Odds are that wouldn't work for many of us, BUT, if someone or something speaks to you, speak for it. Speak up for it. If there is a request, there is a need. I think sometimes people give because they get caught up in things, not because they necessarily want to. I believe the reverse holds true, too. Your judgments, feelings,emotions about my situation hold you back from acting, even if you think you want to.
I need help - desperately, I need it for this very important trip I want to take, and I need it to survive what comes next. Sadly, unless I have a miracle, I am not sure how much longer I will survive. My spirit is fighting an uphill battle. My heart wants to help others, but I so need help for myself.
If what I say speaks to you, I implore you to please help. I ask for your action in the face of discomfort. I ask you to support the miracle of my life and the miracle of healing. I ask you to please help me to stop worrying about how to share my need yet another way so that it might help, but rather be able to harness and focus my energies on doing more than surviving.
I would love nothing more than to be given the opportunity to have one job only, which is to heal, and help others heal. I am not asking for a free ride. I am just asking to get a lift for a while. If it doesn't work, I won't be able to continue to ask, as I could not be living much longer.
If someone speaks to your heart, please consider helping them. Pay more attention to what your heart says, than the worries of your mind. You never know what can come from reaching out. I have met some fabulous people because they listened to their heart and reached out. By listening to my heart and reaching out, I have also made some wonderful connections.
That precious $1 has a value to both of us that is greater than the number on the bill. Your actions also have much more value than you may realize. If someone or something speaks to you, DO something. I promise you, odds are good you will find it worth it. Thank you.
And if you want to learn more about me, and what I am trying to do, and want to help, click on the banner at the top of the page. You can find a number of options to donate there.
PS Feel free to share anything that I do. I feel like what I address suits not only me and my situation, but it in some way benefit others.
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