The Living Life Tour: Day 1 Tidbits and More

I am sitting at the home of someone from Couchsurfing.net. She is asleep at the moment. More than one person suggested that I look into the site, and for this place to stay I am grateful. I thought I was 2 hours away from here last night, so I stayed somewhere else. It turns out I was only about an hour. However, as tired as I was last night, it was likely better that I thought it was a longer trip than it was.

I considered being on the road today, but I am glad I have gotten to spend some time in Auburn, Arkansas with my very gracious host. I have about 2 weeks to get to LA, so I am not in a hurry. For that reason, I am going to head south tomorrow and head again for the beach. I would love to stay on the beach, but I am not sure how possible or probable that will be. I tried calling a rental company today, and even the least expensive option is about $400 for 2 days. The rent itself isn't too bad, it is all of the fees. It doubles the cost.

I am thinking it would be nice to be somewhere settled for a couple of days, and what better place than a beautiful beach somewhere? I am not really an ocean person, but something is telling me to go, and quite frankly, I am listening. I don't always understand what I hear, or why, but listening has brought me some really wonderful things.

So...I said before that I need to write about the trip. I don't know where to begin. But I guess the beginning is as good a place as any. For starters, my trip agenda has changed several times. However one of the final final versions had me going north a bit before heading east and then south. The reason I didn't do it was because the person who invited me told me he had a family emergency, and would not be home when I would be coming. I had wanted to take the trip sooner, but it had been pushed off, and we lost the earlier open window.

At the same time he was telling me that he could not host me I received a message from Ellen Koronet. She was heading down to Savanaah, and was inviting me to come with her. I wasn't sure at first if it was a good idea, but when I got the other news I took it as a potential sign that I should take her up on it. In addition, I had considered a trip to the south before the northern update. It was really what I preferred, but I logically talked myself into the idea that the northern invite was a good/better place to start.

Being with Ellen was amazing. It was amazing because I got to go along for the ride for most of the trip. For a couple of days I had nothing to worry about, and no real decisions to make. She took care of everything. It was awesome in ways that I may try to describe, but likely fail to do it justice.

It was also amazing because of the dynamic that she brought to the trip. Who knows if I would have taken the same route and made the same choices?

The very first night we were on the road, she decided to pull off in a town in Virginia for dinner. The town has about 7-8 restaurants. I think we passed all of the rest on the way to the last one. She asked me what I wanted to eat. I saw an Italian place. I suggested that. She wasn't interested. I wasn't wedded to it, either, so we kept going. She told me later that she was going to turn in one direction but then turned in another, and it is how we wound up where we did.

I wasn't sure how the menu there would be, but once we saw it, we determined that would be the one. It was an eclectic place. Nothing matched.

As we sat down, my phone rang. It was one of my sisters. She had some questions about things, and apparently a young niece of mine wanted to arrange for a fundraiser for me through school. I was so touched by what my sister told me about how my nieces and nephew wanted to help that I was in tears telling Ellen.

Just as I was bursting into tears and bowing my head, I caught sight of the waitress who had been coming toward us turning on her heels and going in the opposite direction. Oops. I probably scared her.

She returned briefly after and I explained to her what was going on. I told her about my diagnosis, about the trip, and about what my nieces and nephew wanted to do. We introduced ourselves, and she introduced herself. Her name? Destinee. I joked that I had met my destiny that night. How appropriate for the first night on the road.

I didn't know it til later, but she went back to the kitchen where the owner and chef was and was in tears, as she told him about me. She had mentioned to us that he, too, was dealing with cancer. When he came out he chatted with us for quite some time, and he and I (among other things) compared notes about our experiences with cancer. He gave so many stories and snippets of reactions of how he handled things, how others handled things - or did not handle things. He also mentioned that the restaurant had been his "cancer dream" when he was first diagnosed several years ago.

He, Russ, was vibrant, colorful, sweet, sensitive. A gorgeous human being. After dinner we talked some more. We talked for quite a while, and Ellen and I got even more stories and, more importantly, for me, I got to be me - in totality. I got to truly be myself and express things. I got to interact with others. It was the kind of thing that I have always enjoyed, and is the "meat" of the types of things that make me feel useful. I was feeling validated and useful for the first time in a long time.

It is interesting getting outside of things. Inside I had not realized what had happened. I have been really struggling for months. I have tried to be useful in the midst of all that is going on, but despite my attempts and offerings, there have been mostly crickets. I sometimes suspect people do not want to bother me. What they likely do not realize, though, is how helpful my feeling helpful would be. They may not also realize that I need money, and while they stay away, so does the money that could also be helpful.

There are times I really think people just don't get how impossible my situation is. Not only do I have a hard time working, but I can't seem to work in general because people are not coming to me for what I can do. Plus I don't have the kind of financial support I need, so I am left in a void, feeling invisible and useless - and running out of money.

That night with Russ and Destinee I didn't feel invisible, at all. It was incredible.

In addition to all the seeming intangibles, Russ, sweetheart that he is, gifted Ellen and me dinner.

I later asked Ellen if I had insisted on Italian, if she would have gone for Italian. She told me she would have. To me that says that you can really miss out when you have to have things your way. I had also been certain that I was going to use my gut feelings on this trip. I had been thinking that it was Ellen's gut that led us there, but it occurred to me that my gut was more than fine taking her lead, so it was my gut in some way that led us there after all.

It was an incredibly wonderful and rewarding way to begin the trip....and it was only Day 1. I will continue to write more, but will break it up a bit...I was trying to avoid spending much time on the computer. As it is, I spend time each night working on images to upload. I have to find a way to balance it all. Some have told me not to spend so much time, but the fact is I think it is all important. It is important to spend time and share with those I meet along the way, and it is important to share about those people and conversations with those who might be watching.

I have times I am beyond exhausted, but thank goodness for the times I can find a way to recharge. Not being in a hurry I would think will help. Today was one of those days. Tomorrow I will drive about 4 hours, and then, hopefully I will find a place to stay for the next 2 days. I will likely make it to Houston by the weekend some time. If you know of anyone in Houston or Austin or Dallas, please let me know. Other places, too. I might be able to head in a direction if I know a possibility awaits.

More to come.

Thanks for being a part of this journey.

If you want to know more about this trip, or how to donate, please click here -> http://anewme515.blogspot.com/2013/10/about-triphow-to-donate.html