I am going to ask you a very pointed question. You have to answer it to no one but yourself. You can choose to ignore it, or stop reading. We all have that freedom. And, in some ways, it is freedom that is at the core of my question. Ready? Since you know how important and urgent my situation is, If you haven't shared about http://www.gofundme.com/4odyg8 several times, and donated even just $1, but you believe in me and my message, why not? Someone sent me a message about how it seems I have chosen to live. When faced with the reality that death is inevitable, and something must be done, you realize you may be the only one to make it happen. It makes you realize what really matters (and how so little does) and you stop worrying what other people think. You just do what you need to do. You do not edit nearly as much as you one time would have - if you do at all. You do not hold back, as there is may be no tomorrow to turn to. Now can all too easily become never. If you have not shared and donated, is it because you are holding back for some reason? If my situation was yours, what would you want others to do? I expect nothing from you, however, it occurs to me that your association with me during this time might just be a gift to you. It might just be that you get something for yourself without having to make the impossible choices and decisions I need to. Through sharing about me, and trying to help me make this happen, who knows what would be possible for you in the process? That is, if you are consciously choosing to hold back for some reason. And...if you are, odds are I just made you feel pretty darn uncomfortable by what I just asked. Please remember, I do not expect an answer, and please know I love you. Who knows if I was supposed to come along and make you uncomfortable so you could find a sense of freedom where you do not have any. I am only asking for $1 and shares. Think about it. Thank you.
I have never been that pointed in relation to my situation. Although, to be quite frank, I have thought it many times. It is not like I am demanding anything, or expect a huge donation.
I realize some may have not shared, because they have not seen. This is a question for those who are aware and believe in me but have not tangibly acted on my behalf.
I ask, in part, because I know we all too easily miss opportunities, unless something makes as uncomfortable enough to act. It was not intended to do anything, but pose a question. Of course, I would not mind it stirring action. I need the help action could bring. I would be a liar, if I said otherwise.
But.
More to the point, this is more about me and my expression than it is about any desire to effect a change in another. Although, as with most things, I think the two are interconnected.
I have learmed that in speaking my mind there is a freedom I give myself, and I have learned that there is also a freedom in not expecting an outcome or result from another. Interestingly, as I think about it, I think situations turn out much better when I do not push for something, or expect it.
Of course, some may think I am pushing with this statement. But that is more about them, than it is about me. Although, as I think about it, maybe it is a push, but not for money or action. If it happens, great. But it is more a loving push for those I love to consider something. For anyone who is clear about how they feel, and why, and feel fine about it, this is not for them. I am not going to judge a person for not doing it. We all have our reasons. I ask the question so someone may look at theirs, and how well theirs work for them.
Who am I to do this? Who am I not to do this? If I don't, who will?
Do I want to be in anyone's face and make them uncomfortable? Absolutely not. However, at this point, I cannot help but think it has been inevitable. I cannot be true to myself if I do not say what I think and feel as openly and honestly as I do.
I would like to say I am sorry for the discomfort. But I can't. I am not purposely wanting to make another uncomfortable. I am more interested in expressing myself about the things that make me uncomfortable. If you are uncomfortable, imagine how *I* feel.
As I write this, I am uncomfortable. I can hear so many negative voices in my head. But, you know what? They would be a lot worse if I kept these thoughts to myself.
If people want to walk away, or avoid me, because they do not think I am handling things right, or well, then so be it. To be as frank as ever, in some ways, it really might not be much different than it had been. In addition, now, more than ever I need people in my life who can love and appreciate ALL of me. If I rub someone the wrong way and they do not choose to be supportive in some way, then it is very possible we were not meant to interact that way.
In many cases I have found that being more of myself has only brought those who love me closer, and I would take the quality of those interactions over quantity any day.
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ReplyDeleteThanks Cindy. I appreciate you taking the time and having the interest.
DeleteI really don't have a problem with helping anyone. But for me working on a "guilt trip" simply won't work. I believe helping others should be inspired from the heart not from making them feel bad because they have not chosen to help. The fact is in the past few weeks I have "funded" two different family members in crisis to the tune of over a thousand dollars. But please for me just share your story and let it touch my heart and that's will inspire me to fund you. It's not the dollar it's the heart.
ReplyDeleteI knew in some way what I wrote could come off in a way that is not well received. It was in no way to "guilt" anyone into anything, but rather to express myself, and perhaps have others stop and think. It is also not addressed to the public as a whole, but rather those who say they support me to consider. I am appreciative of all kinds of help and support, however, there are times that anything less than something tangible will do. I feel I need to express how I feel about it, and then people will do whatever they do. I truly have no expectations, and would not ever want to "guilt" someone into taking an action. That is not who I am, and that is not what this is about.
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