Monday, August 10, 2015

And that helps, how?

I just had a confirmation of sorts about something I had thought about, practically in passing. It was the second thing recently that I felt something about another, and was right.

I have had moments like that in the past, but with chemo I don't feel like I am as "clear." I am not sure what to make of this, but it feels like it might be meant to mean something.

I just wish I had more clarity around me, and my own stuff. And, even more importantly, confirmation...but, preferably of the "good" kind. 

The two things that came up weren't "good" things - at least not superficially (or at first glance) for those affected. 

A few years ago I was curious if I would ever live by myself again. At the time cancer wasn't in the picture, and I had hoped that I would find someone special to be with, and that the answer would be "no."

Little did I realize that my whole life could be turned inside out, and that I may never again be by myself, but not because of something or someone seemingly wonderful, but because my circumstances wouldn't allow for it due to something like cancer. Little did I realize that being on my own could be a good thing.

I thought it was interesting that I thought of it in one way, but there were other possibilities. Not exactly sure how, or if, these things relate, but I think there may be some reason why I am talking about them both.

Maybe it is that we know more than we think we do, and maybe what we think isn't always what we think it is.

And that helps, how?


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