I started to cry, as I spoke to "anyone" who might be listening: God, angels, guides...I told them I had had enough of this. It needed to be done. I was more than happy to be in the world, and do things, but there was no way I could as things are. I can't function. There are days I can barely move. I just can't.
"This" needs to end, and I made it clear that I did NOT mean I wanted my life to end. I also made it clear that while others would make seem there was a "certain" way of asking for help, that I do not believe that. In fact, I refuse to believe that if I do not get "help," I am not doing it the right way. That just does not seem right to me. However, if they wanted me to ask for help, then here I was - pleading for it.
My tears were so hot as they streamed down my face and dripped into my lap. Instead of crying hysterically, it was a somber cry. It was a deep cry from my soul.
I also wondered out loud if, as some might suggest, I knew this would be my life before I came here. If so, OK, I agreed to it. I have learned a lot, and would continue to learn more if things continued to deteriorate, but STILL, ENOUGH.
Enough already. Please.
I am so, so tired.
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