Sunday, August 23, 2015

I'm Sorry...

Is this some kind of bad joke?

This was in a fortune cookie I just ate. 

I realize I could look at it in a way that could empower somehow, but given my situation, it just feels like an unpleasant joke.

I am open to the interpretation shifting. After all, it doesn't say it in the present tense. Things CAN change, right? They CAN get better, right? Miracles DO happen, don't they?

My miracle might have gotten lost in the mail. I just have to hope the miracle WILL do its thing wherever it might seem to land. 

Trying to be optimistic in a sea of corpses is not the easiest thing to do. I know what I said probably sounds horrible. 

Here is why I said it: I am acutely aware of those who deal with cancer with a smile on their face. They are optimistic. They are gonna beat it. All is right with the world. All will be right with the world. They get a recurrence? They're strong. They're positive. They're smiling. They are gonna beat it.

You see it on their blogs, their videos, in person. YOU even believe them. And, then, you find out - s/he died.


For a long time I have felt I did not want to be a part of those ranks. Even perceived positivity did not save these people's lives. They still left this world.

I really do not know how to rectify these feelings. And so I get to "enjoy" them continually challenging me.  

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