Monday, August 31, 2015

I Prefer it This Way

What is the truth?

A few years ago, I was talking to a friend who said to me, "<insert known guru's name here> says..." It was said after I had expressed a number of things that I was contemplating, trying to figure out, questioning. I knew of the "guru" and I knew the perceived belief, but it was a part of the package of things I was no longer sure I was willingly, without question, going to embrace.

My friend, however, was fairly adamant that my unwillingness to embrace the idea was a part of my "problem." She didn't say it that way, of course, but that idea was in the undercurrent of what she said. It kind of pissed me off. Granted the "guru" was known, and perceived to be successful, and I was perceived to be neither.

If we are struggling, we are supposed to listen to the successful ones, aren't we? It had to be my own ego and stubbornness getting in the way, right?

The problem was - and still is - I don't necessarily "buy" it. Another problem is that by current definitions, I have to be doing something wrong to be struggling as much as I do. I couldn't possibly be right, could I?

I truly don't know what to think. At the same time, I also truly don't think I am necessarily wrong, either. The feelings I have in this regard are just too strong. Plus. It really bothers me to think that we should take a "guru's" ideas and beliefs over ours, just because that person is perceived to be somehow wiser or more enlightened somehow.

That doesn't work for me. It might have at one time, but I am tired of trying to "fit" myself into the stuff of "shoulds." If it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right - no matter how "good" it may sound, no matter how much of a solution it may sound like it is. Odds are it sounds a lot better, and more profound,than it truly is. Odds are when it seems to fail, it wil be because I did not somehow do things right or enough or...Or, at least, that is what I will be led to believe.

Things may suck right now, but in some ways I am more at peace about some things than I was when I used to think there was some illusive answer or solution I was just not getting. And you know what? I prefer it this way.

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