I have heard a few people talk about those who are dying.
They talk about the things those who are dying talk about
in the "hopes" that we will get something from it.
I think often while it "sounds" good, it isn't something that
most people truly get as we often think there is a lot of
tomorrow space to live in. I say this because I was once
one of those people who got it logically, but it only really
hit home once I was diagnosed with cancer.
I say this, too, as I see many who give good lip and Facebook
service to ideas, only to send a different message with their
words and actions. I am not saying this to judge, but more
as a point of reference. It is so much easier to say something
than it is to BE it.
Even now for as much as I "get it," I can't say anything has
changed radically for me. I still struggle. I still get emotional.
I still get depressed. I still have a range of emotions that
haven't changed. The only difference is that I had that one
moment that reminded me in one of the harshest ways possible
that life isn't forever.
It was like an alarm clock going off loudly after only a few
hours of sleep. You jump. You are awake. You do your
thing, and then as the day goes by you get sleepy again,
forgetting how the day even began.
I want to remember what I have been through without having
to relive it. I want to take the things that I have learned, and
I want to use them to help others.
Last night I was on the phone with several people who went
to Kyle's event. It has only been a few weeks, and already it
is easy to slip back in to the same old, same old. In the call
we discussed how people often really don't want to hear how
things are, unless you are going to tell them only good news,
or something they want to hear, like something superficial.
(It is something that I have blogged about previously.)
Is it any wonder we are challenged to truly be ourselves?
Apparently Bronnie Ware wrote a book in regard to her
experiences with the dying. According to one thing I
read most regrets relate to relationships and to one's ability
to be true to his/herself.
I don't know about you, but that doesn't really surprise me.
The one thing I have been grateful for the last several years
is my growing ability to say what I really feel and to be
able to be more of me in the face of possible difficulty,
rejection, judgment. You name the negative possibility,
and it is probably included.
I haven't perfected it, though. There are things still left
unsaid. There are still frustrations left unvoiced. There
are still things that leave me less than fully expressed.
I suspect life just keeps giving us opportunities to challenge
us to be who we are. Did we know how difficult it was
going to be before we bought our ticket to come here?
Why did I begin this particular blog? I feel all over the
place, and I am not sure I got to where I intended, but
I am not even sure where that was.
But, I am guessing I got somewhere. Are you with me?
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