I'm as Sane as I Ever Was (Really!)

Last year I met someone who told me that we had been
in a life together in another plane/planet/place.

If I didn't lose you, let me tell you more.

She said that she, her guide, and I used to "hang out" in
a place that she said was very different than the place we
call home.  She told me there were more colors, and they
were so vibrant and so beautiful.  She told me that life
here was comparatively difficult.  In that place if people
wanted to go somewhere, they didn't need vehicles.
There was no need for food.

I tell you these things because I have thoughts sometimes
about things, and she told me that I am remembering being
there.

What kinds of thoughts have I had?  I have thought that
there would come a time when we would be able to travel
without vehicles.  Given that scientists have shown that
energy is not solid, why wouldn't that be possible at some
point?  I know it makes no sense with where we are at now.
But if we had a new realization, why couldn't it be?

After all, the world no longer looks the way it once did,
and the fact that I can push buttons and there can be letters
that can show up on a screen that you can view was unheard
of before.  So why couldn't "we" get there?

I think about the phone and videos and the internet.  Are
they really necessary?  There are times that I feel so
connected with someone, I would swear they were right
here with me, and that we could really talk/communicate.

And then I have had wonderings about food.  Some people
eat very little food, and seem to be just fine.  What if the idea
that we "had" to eat was false?  Of course this is the type of
idea that businesses based in food would hate.  But what if
this apparent "need" was just an illusion?

And then there is healthcare.  I have been a witness to some
interesting things that have happened to people physically
that don't make "sense," and I have heard of others.  Skeptics
would say that things like the types of things I am talking
about are not possible, and try to explain it some other way.

But what if we truly know something that makes a difference
in a big way?  Of course, the medical profession would be
out of business.

You still here?

I realize that there will be people who will read this and think
me nuts.  And you know what?  I probably am.  I wrote a
paper once about Winston in the novel 1984.  The thesis
was wrapped around the idea of sanity.  If you read the book,
you know that the reader identifies with Winston, and he
seems to be the only "sane" one in an insane society.

Well...if you look up the definition of sanity, a lot of it has to
do with what those around you think and believe.  When you
look at the definition within a context, the person who sees
things differently than most is "insane."

I tend to look at things differently than most anyone I know.
And most of my life has been one challenge after another.
I have often felt like I am swimming against the tide.  I look
at things, and wonder why they couldn't be different.  I look
at things, and wonder if all of my wonderings mean anything.

I look at things and want so badly to "prove" that I am right.

Last night I was talking to a friend.  I was saying to her that I
wish someone could tell me something I did not already "know"
because I was feeling like there was something about the things
that I "know" that doesn't quite fit for me.

I feel like there are things that I know, somehow, but they don't
make any sense, like the things I mentioned above.  I want to
find a way to prove that somehow they DO make sense.   I
want in some way to know that I am not crazy to think these
things, and to aspire to things that seem - seem - to be radically
different than what we currently believe about the world.

As I write these things I find myself wondering if I am trying
to make this world into something it is not or if perhaps there
is a way to incorporate the things I feel are true in this world,
and perhaps make a difference - if not for others, at least for
myself.

The irony in all of this is that I don't think that there is any one,
THE answer for anything.  I think that is why I find it so incredibly
frustrating to interact with those people who think they know what
that one THE thing is.  And since there is no any one THE thing,
that has to mean that whenever I find what I think is THE answer,
it is likely only going to be mine.  It is not because I won't share,
or won't want to share, but rather because I am beginning to wonder
in a much bigger way if the only answer that truly matters, that
the only answer that is really THE answer, is the one that fits for
the person who is living it/communicating it.

I don't know about you, but I have often sought answers from
others to the things I don't understand.  But how the heck do
THEY know THE answer?  How does anyone truly know?

I think I am going to start making stuff up and see what happens.

And for anyone who may think I lost it, as scary as it may be to
consider, I am as "sane" as I ever was.  :P