Frustration & Urgency

My insurance company sucks.  I feel like I should say "has sucked,"
just so I do not possible reinforce how much I think they suck
at the moment.

Part of the problem is how I feel, in general.  When you are being
treated for cancer, and having to deal with chemo, the last thing
that one needs to deal with are medical bills and concerns.  However,
as you might imagine the mountain of claims is inevitable.  And
with claims can come issues.

For MONTHS, at least 6, and probably more, I have called them
month after month after month regarding a bill that should never
have come to me in the first place.  Interestingly enough, I had
asked my doctor to file with the lab they did to try to avoid the
issue I was dealing with.

HA!  Obviously they had the last word on that.

Another time I wanted a summary of some info, and they told
me that I could go through all my paperwork and get the answer.
Do you have any idea how many freaking papers I have from
them in the last year?  I bet you don't, because I don't.  But it
is A LOT.

The disgusting thing for me about this is that often I have found
myself in the middle of the issue, and often unable to resolve it
because I don't know what the right question is to ask.  I have
been ping-ponged back and forth many times.  In the case of
this last bill, I couldn't ignore it because it would have gone to
collections.  The thing is:  IT HAD BEEN PAID MONTHS
AGO.  It had been paid months ago, and there were threatening
to take me to collections, and affect my credit.

I don't know about you, but it seems to me that I can't be the
only one dealing with this stuff.  And if that is the case, something
should really be done so that these types of things don't happen
on such a regular basis (if at all!).  I had much better things to be
doing than calling my insurance company over and over and over
to handle something that was already handled - even if it was
"just" to take care of myself.

On a positive side note:  I had mentioned previously that I had
received a bill from the GI doc for the colonoscopy.  I had also
told you (at least I think I did) that I had written him asking for
his compassion in regard to the bill.

Well...that was a few months ago now, and I have not received
a response from him, but I have not received another bill, either.
I am guessing he took care of it.  That is a positive thing.  I am
also guessing that he likely felt badly about what happened.

I really hope he learned something from his experience with me.
I can only imagine that it could be humbling to someone.
Imagine if I had left him and didn't do anything because he
told me I was OK.  He might have found himself in big time
trouble.

If you haven't read how things started for me, you might want
to just to educate yourself on what can happen in regard to
ovarian cancer.  Too many times it goes misdiagnosed or
undiagnosed until it is too late, and often it can be because
doctors fluff off their patients' symptoms.

I was supposed to go to a networking thing today, but I am
really tired.  Yesterday was a long day, that just kept getting
longer.  I am thinking I will try to get some rest today, and
maybe try to do a bit of organizing later.

I still have a lot of things to do, not the least of which is set
up my MP3s online and do a couple of guest blogs.

So many directions I am going in.  I don't know what the best
or the "right" one is, but I have to hope that it is whatever one
I choose at the moment I choose it.

In the midst of all of this, I am very touched by those who have
been willing to step up and help me in whatever way they can
and do.  I am extremely grateful for what has come my way.
I am also extremely grateful for the fact that I have learned to
speak up and ask for things, despite feeling VERY uncomfortable
about it.  It sucks. Really. Truly. Sucks.  But I am grateful fort
the fact that I can speak my mind more easily than ever before.

I would not have preferred for it to have happened this way,
but I don't know what else could have propelled it forward
in the same way.  When you are desperate, you really have
nothing to lose.  When you are face to face with the idea that
you could die sooner rather than later, tomorrow isn't as big
of a deal any more.

Interestingly, you wish you could somehow, some way relay
this message to others in a way that they could truly get it
because so many will casually stroll through life, not realizing
how important THIS moment is, and how URGENT things
are RIGHT now.

(I bet there have even been some who have thought, "I will
help her next month," only to have next month come and go
with nothing materializing.)

I know this, or at least think I know, because I was once there.
Things look a lot different from this side of the fence.  It isn't
so easy to be sitting back and waiting for others to do something
to have a plan materialize, and yet that is the kind of world we
live in.  We plan.

But we don't plan to be sick.

And we don't plan to die.

Not sure - but it seems like there might be some irony in there
somewhere.