Sunday, January 27, 2013

You are welcome to join me. Or not.

When I post a blog:

1. I write it for me.
2. I may read for typos, but I rarely edit, and I never edit for length.
3. I never expect that anyone will read it (or view it).
4. I am grateful when someone does read it (or view it).

I don't have it in me many times to do anything more than these things - even now.

I also know that if I had to take the time and effort to edit what I do, odds are it would never get done.  Things wouldn't be shared.

I know in the past there were things that were never shared of mine because I didn't feel them ready or good enough or...some other reason that prevented them from being shared with anyone.

(Any idea of what I am talking about?)

I am not going to tell you that what I do is perfect.  I certainly don't think it is.  I am not going to tell you that what I do couldn't use some revision.  I certainly believe it could.  Occasionally I will re-read something here that I wrote and cringe because of the missed typos or how something was expressed.  In some cases I leave it alone because I want to have an accurate record of where I was, when I was there.

If I was to ever write a book about my experience it might be different.  I say might because I would consider sharing this blog in its totality as it is what my experience has been.  At the same time, if I was to tell the tale more in the way of a summary of how things went, I could imagine it might be very different.

I am often told things about the length of what I write - as in them being too long.  Is it always necessary?  I don't know.  Many times I am outlining the contortions in my head.  I don't know about you, but the contortions can often be long journeys.

I know we live in a soundbite world.  I got that.  The thing is, though, this blog is not about soundbites.  This blog is about a messy and - at times - upsetting reality.  Those who can't relate to what I say (or don't want to relate - for whatever reason) will likely not be those that will appreciate what is offered by my sharing.

Maybe there is nothing of value for anyone here, but me.  If that is the case, I am more than fine with it.  At the same time, if there is something that I can say or do that can be extrapolated from my experience that can ultimately help others, I am all for it.  The real value - if there is one - may not come from the words here, but what comes as a result of them.

This is a journey.  MY journey.  And, for better or worse, I am learning to be myself in a public forum. For a long time I was no where even near close.  If people like me as a result, and want to engage, great.  If they don't, then that is fine, too.  We cannot be all things to all people, and I am not about to try - any more.

I am learning to be very aware of how I am with others, based on how others are with me.  It truly is like I am learning who the heck I am in the world.  I thought I knew.  But when this experience of cancer came along it shook things up in a big way.  My blog is called "anewme" because I knew on the day that I found out about the tumor the person I had been would no longer be here after I went through all that I have.

The thing was - while I knew what wouldn't be, I didn't know what would be. I am in the process of figuring that out each and every day with each and every thought and blog and video and experience.

You are welcome to join me.  Or not.

with JoLoPe
(JOy LOve PEace)

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