I went to a drumming circle several years ago and wrote up something from one of the "trips" I took. I don't remember what it was actually called...a journey? I am not sure when it was could have been over 10 years ago.
I remember it being quite powerful.
"It wasn't very light, actually quite dark. I met a Tiger pretty quickly who said he was my power animal. He said - SHE actually said that I was to learn to be tenacious. I can't remember if that was it - but I was to be female - in touch with my female. My fire was people. I was to get my 'power' from everyone around me. I was to be Love. By being Love, there would be people who would come to me. A Hawk was there, too and we went flying overhead as I saw the sky lighten up and it went from Sun to Moon Sky. It was beautiful. Love and people were a strong emphasis. The hawk was there to teach me to keep an eye out - watch everything closely. There would be things to notice. I need to be WOMAN, strong, but feminine. (I saw myself marrying someone that I thought I would be with.) And it was like moving from the dark into the light."
Tenacious - not letting go of easily. I wonder if I have learned that lesson. In the face of so much I am not willing to let go. The "funny" thing is I sometimes get so much grief for it.
As far as the marrying thing goes, that is such a tough one. I REALLY thought we would be together to the point of feeling like I was making stuff up. Some would say that means we were meant to be together, but he didn't take the opportunity. I have heard that more than once about the men in my life. I offered them something that they weren't ready for and/or didn't take. I have been told that I am at a different level than many are and that is one of the reasons why I have the issues I do. I can help others to get to a different level - if they let me.
I don't know what I think, other than the fact that there are times it is very frustrating and others where I feel very much alone. I love that I can touch people. It would just be nice if for once someone would be willing to touch back in a more enduring and meaningful way. So many over the years have drawn in, only to suddenly retreat.
If there is that special someone out there that can match me or elevate me, you can show up any time. Really. I am more than ready for you. Maybe Hawk will help me in some way. I suspect Hawk already is. So much of the last year has been me paying close attention to the details.
All I ask for when this life is done is peace around what has been. Even if I don't get to where I thought I wanted to get to, all I ask for is peace in knowing that I did all that I could to get there.