I had a friend who was a big Yankee fan. One year they were doing terrible (imagine that!). I wrote him this (6/12/95):
This past weekend I heard the Yanks were compiling a list (see the following) and looking for additions, perhaps you have a few?
WHAT TO DO TO ENSURE OUR PLACE IN THE BASEMENT:
1. Take an early lead, but lose the game.
2. Keep fans in suspense while letting the other team score, but lose any way.
3. Blow scoring opportunities by stranding as many players as possible.
4. Get on a streak - a losing streak.
5. Win no more than 20% of games played.
6. Have a mediocre pitching staff and squander games pitched by our best.
7. Have several power hitters hitting less than their average.
After the list they went on to say:
"If all goes well, we will not only stay in the basement the rest of the season, but we may successfully alienate any fans that were not already alienated by the strike."
I was a great friend, wasn't I? ;)