So Much Time Spent in the Past

I just realized that many of the blog entries that I have been posting lately are from my past. What about my present?

In many ways, to be frank, it sucks.

I have a mess of papers that I am trying to sort and pack or dispose of. I have a big mess. Today my friend tells me he now has a plan. Best case for him, we are out of here the beginning to middle of August. The last house in the neighborhood that was for sale sold within a week. I think he has a good shot of being out of here pretty quickly.

I am stressed about money. That is nothing new. But it is a much bigger deal the closer I get to having to move. I am stressed about the prospect of living with my mother. She really doesn't have room for me. It is really going to suck if I have to go there. I started to wonder today if a hotel would be willing to put me up in exchange for promotion. I will definitely look into it. Especially if you are in Maryland, if you know of any potential options, can you please let me know?

I am trying to figure out my own plan. There is an overwhelming amount of work that needs to be done. I still don't know what all is staying or going. I still have a number of packed boxes to go through. I think a lot of things are going. Away. I am not happy about it. But I don't think I have much of a choice. Plus carrying the stuff around and worrying about it seems worse than trying to figure out how to hold onto it all.

I feel logically like I shouldn't be spending so much time posting the things I do. It is exhausting. But I am driven to do it. I am afraid that it could be fear of the things never seeing the light of day...but I still hold out hope it is just that I am driven to share. That things NEED to get out there. I can't believe the volume of things I have created over the years. Things that never went anywhere. I don't think that is the way it was "supposed" to be, but there was never the "right" time or "right" way to share. And many of the things would have at one time seemed too personal to share.

When the end of the line seems a lot closer than you want it to be, and when walking around oblivious is no longer an option, it is amazing what can happen.