I thought I had shared this previously, but I cannot find it. It is difficult to keep track of the myriad of things that are here. If it is a repeat, though, odds are many have yet to see this. Either way, it doesn't really matter as this is much more personal than for public consumption. I share it here, though, as a way of putting all the pieces and parts of me in one place.
I think I wrote this around 1999. At the time a friend told me it sounded desperate. Another told me it sounded wonderful. Whatever it is, it is what was my reality at the time. Maybe someone reading this could relate.
I walk - rather wander - the streets searching for you. I wonder if I stay in one place, if you'll find me more easily. Where could you be? Are you a block ahead? A block behind? Are you in a store I am passing all the time? Are you my neighbor? Do you buy lunch near where I work? Where are you future love of mine? Why is it so hard to find you? Do you feel the same way about me? Are you looking for me and not finding me in the places your glances land? Are you seeking the lady of your dreams who will be the woman who can make your wholeness more fulfilling? Why haven't we yet found each other? What needs ye to be done? For us to meet and click, our spirits have undoubtedly already met - when the bodies do, too, it wil be sublime. I know I must wait for you - but patience is not my strong suit. I want you now. I want to be cherished by you - and I want to love you. I have all this love stored up inside of me that is aching to come out. I would much rather it come out than see it wither and ide. Love like this is meant to be shared. Love liked this is not meant to stay inside the shell of a person. I need it to ooze out through my pores. I need it to surround you and seep into yours. I need to express myself in ways that I could only with you. I want my wholeness to be fulfilled. I want shared experiences - I want to share smiles and laughter with someone that I go to sleep with and wake up to - someone who is a constant in my life...someone who cares about me almost as much as he cares about himself. Is it a romantic ideal more than a romantic reality? Am I wanting too much? Is what I describe more suffocating than liberating? I don't believe so, and you, whoever you are, wherever you are, will find my words touch your heart for it speaks the same language. Preparations needed to be made in advance to make all our possibiliites into realities. I know we'll be together one day - but please don't keep me in suspense much longer. I don't really like surprises. The only surprise I want is to wake up one morning and find you laying there physically the way you have all along in my heart. I love you already. Please, let's get together, we've already been too long apart.