In response to my previous blog, I received the following message. I am posting it here along with my reply, as I am guessing there may be others who think along the line of the person. I also started to reply on Facebook, and realized that because it was so lengthy, and because it might be better addressed more widely, it might be best to post it here.
Elizabeth I read your blog and I'm left upset and almost speechless. Nonetheless, I hear your pain and authenticity. At this point I am unsure if there's anything else I could do to support where you are unless it's monetary...but I'll take a risk and try. I have met you, read about you, listened to you vent and witnessed hiw you solicit help. Your reliance in people to make the biggest difference in your life is what concerns me most. There's a song that says, " After you've done all you can just stand!" I believe in God and wonder if you've given your situation to Him? And have you ever thought that the help you believe you need may not be happening just yet because there's something else that you need first? I don't have the answers but thought I put it out as things to ponder. Dr. Kim said in a training, "if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always gotten. If you want something that you've never had, you must do something that you've never done." You are a strong woman and very courageous. Your patience is running thin and I get it. I may not be giving you what you need but I'm giving you what I have.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, as it allows me to address them. Thank you as well for the care you have. I have asked for ALL kinds of help...including that of any Higher Power - many times. There is a tale of a man who reached out to God for help to win the lottery week after week. He never won. One week God said, "Can you meet me part way, and buy a ticket?" I am not sitting back and thinking that anything will happen. EVERY day I am doing more than I can possibly do. Many days I am stretching myself in uncomfortable ways. So even if God is going to be a cause in the matter, I still must do things, which at the moment includes blogging about my experience.
There is another tale about how someone was caught in a flood who asked God for help. 3 different people came by trying to rescue him and were met with "No thanks. God will save me." The man died. When he got to heaven, the man asked God why he didn't save him. God told him he sent him 3 different people to save him, what else did he want him to do?
I am very much trying to pay attention to things. Perhaps I am missing something. I don't know. I would like to think I haven't missed anything "obvious." I know, too, that life doesn't always work out the way we want it to, and sometimes it is even better. I also get that there is much more going on in many aspects of our lives that may lead to other ones. It is something I have acknowledged many times - although if you don't read my blog regularly, I am sure these are pieces that would not be known or are missed.
I also have no "reliance" on other people to help. It would be nice if they would and could. Quite frankly, it is a part of my experience I wish I never had to do. However I am in a position of needing something beyond what I have. It is forcing me to do something I would never have wanted to do and giving me a lot of insight I wish I never had, but at the same time that seems to have the possibility to be helpful to others.
I have heard the expression you quoted and the fact is that I am doing anything and everything I can think of...and much of that includes doing things differently than I have in the past. The previous blog entry alone is an example of that. I would never have done that before all of what I have dealt with.
In some ways, this is very much about me, but in others there is a MUCH bigger picture here. I felt like what I said needed to be addressed - as it rarely is. And it could very well be that I am "supposed" to get where I am so that I will address it since no one else seems to be able or willing (or at least very few - although I have yet to see anyone be this blunt: if you see anyone else, please introduce us). But there is no way to know this for certain. And even then, I still feel a great deal of pain and concern - likely like many others in similar - at the core - situations.
We are human beings and have a range of emotions and feelings. Interestingly many try to deny them. So many times when I express myself people tell me things that are intended to stop how I am feeling. But why do we have them if we are not meant to in some way experience and express them? In addition, there have been times I have seen it to be quite valuable to be in the muck - even though that is the LAST place I want to be.
I tried to write my blog in a way that expressed a bigger picture. I don't know if I succeeded. It is difficult to see a problem clearly from the inside. At the same time, being on the inside gives me inside information that could not be more passionately expressed by someone on the outside and/or by someone who has never been in a similar place.
Last, but not least, I have a very hard time believing that if God is involved, He would hold back the help because I was somehow not doing things the right or asking in the right way. I could, of course, be wrong...but I don't know how anyone knows anything like this with any kind of real certainty.
I have gone through phases in my life that have brought me to where I am now. It is my experience of the things I have done and have been through that have brought me to where I now stand. Is it possible that I missed something along the way? Absolutely. Is it also possible that I am gaining something valuable by my current perspective? Absolutely. Do I know "all" the answers? Absolutely not. But what I do know is that for the first time in my life I am taking a stand for who I am and what I believe and am not in fear of what others think. And, while it sucks in more ways than I can probably count, I am Absolutely Grateful.
And PS...Please don't underestimate the value of money. I know there are other ways of looking at and doing things. However money is a mechanism that can work very well in the world we live. And not to say that anyone should ask for money on my (or anyone's) behalf, but imagine what might be created if we had less sensitivity to it and did just that?
If I missed any part of what you said, or misunderstood anything, please let me know. If anyone has any questions, or wants to add to the conversation, please feel free to do so.