Feeling Self Conscious & Insecure

Well. I got my hair cut at the right time. Today I think has been one of the hottest - if not THE hottest - days of the spring so far. I was grateful not to feel like I had to wear a wig.

But.

The thing is it is raising up my insecurities. I am terribly self-conscious.  It is raising up the younger me who felt ugly and unattractive. It is raising up the part of me that used to get paid attention to because she was picked on.

If people look at me now, it has to be because I am so ugly.

Amazing what a difference there can be when you feel confident in your own skin. The wigs seem to do that for me. I feel more at home in myself and more at peace with myself when I like what I see in the reflection the world sees.

It doesn't matter how many people tell me they think I look good. There is a part of me that doesn't believe it. I am really sad about this. I am really sad I feel this way about myself. But I guess it is good that it is coming out. I have a chance to heal it.

The problem is that the timing sucks. I already am dealing with more than I can handle.