No Time Like the Present

I have been feeling antsy and anxious.

I am guessing it has to do with the volume of stuff I need to do AND the fact that it is difficult to do a lot of it.

I was feeling grateful earlier for the wonderful things in my life. While I have had some real doozies of things in what some would deem the negative department, I have had some really beautiful things, too.

Ken Newman is going to be doing a fundraiser for me at The Condor Club in the SanFrancisco area on May 31 from 3-6. He and his drummer will be playing. For the event they are calling themselves Berkley Bronx. There is another person (I am not sure if he would want to be named, or not. I will have to find out.) who might be able to record the event, too. If he does, it will be available via my radio show and/or a podcast.

Ayngel (@Boshemia) has been working very hard to try to help make our trip a reality. I feel very grateful for her. She has said it is "my" trip, and has let me decide where we go. I have a bit of mixed feelings about that - not the least of which is where this fits in the scheme of my life. I hope it is not an "end of life trip." I don't think it is - among other things, I don't know anyone who knows when the end of my life will be. I just hope others don't think so, either.

I am viewing any trip we take as a "there is no time like the present" trip. So many times we put things off for a tomorrow that never comes. When I was in college I got to spend a summer in the UK and in parts of Europe. I had the opportunity to go up to Scotland, but did not take it. I thought I would go "next year." Well next year never came. And neither did the next, or the next. It is one of the few things in life I truly feel like the choice I made had me miss out. Of course at the time I had my reasons not to do it that made sense to me, But I wish I had tried harder and somehow made it work.

Some have used the term "bucket list." I don't really like it. When I think about it, while it is a term that has people motivated to do things, I feel like it is sourced from a place of death, not life. The background focus is on death, and avoiding a seeming lack. As I think about it, to me it almost feels like another form of "fix." "Since I haven't done these things, I better fix that before I die."

We spend so much of life not truly living. We sometimes spend so mich time and energy caught up in the details of things that we miss the things themselves. When I drove cross country both times before, I wasn't able to take my time and enjoy. I was a woman on a mission that needed to be accomplished.

I thought it would be awesome to go where I have never gone before, and I always thought taking a trip and being able to take my time to stop and enjoy and smell the roses would be awesome. It just so happens that there are things that have called into question the amount of time I may have left to do something like this. So now is the time I choose to see what I can do to make it happen.

There are so many questions about what comes next. And while many may think that I should just allow things to unfold, the unfolding does not necessarily occur without actions that need to be taken based on choices and decisions that need to be made. There are things I need to do and decide. The best I can do is to ask questions about the things in front of me and do what I can. All of the questions I have had leading up to now are the foundation for whatever comes next and in some ways helps to clear a path.

Some talk so much about living in the moment as if the future will take care of itself and everything will be so clear and certain when you truly are in the moment. And sometimes, it does happen that way. But there are times I believe that being in the moment is messy and unclear and uncertain.

Last night I got a bit of clarity about how to move forward. After I do a few things, perhaps more clarity will come. In the middle of all of this, my money is dwindling and I do not have the energy to ask for more, especially since I am really hoping Ayngel and I can raise the funds needed for this trip. This s definitely a case of having to trust that because this trip feels like the right thing to do, everything else around it will somehow work out.

I am not feeling particularly well at the moment. I think I might try to go back to sleep for a while and maybe go for a walk later. I had an interesting time/talk with Mare Cromwell yesterday, and I am going to have to come back and share it with you soon. It is another one of those things I am grateful for.

Later I will have to talk to Ayngel, too, and solidify more details/info. At 4:00 Eastern today, tune into the show for some awesome, soothing music. WorldofPerspectiveRadio.com. It will be commercial free and without interruption. Enjoy the gift.