Friday, May 31, 2013

The Things You Think About

For a brief time I was a licensed New York State Real Estate Agent. I did it at a time when I didn't know what was next, and I was trying to find a solution.  It never really worked out. I was going to try to hold onto the license, but since it cost money and wasn't making me money, I let it go.

I was pretty proud of myself when I got this certificate. I think I got the best score on the final exam of anyone else in the class. It feels funny to say that, but I have this thing about not feeling too smart. I remember when I was six I had gone to be assessed for school. The person who was assessing me asked me if I saw something. I didn't. She walked over to it, and when I saw it, I felt stupid that I hadn't seen it. She told me it was no big deal. But the fact is, all of these years later I still remember it. So it very much was a big deal. 

I sometimes can't help but wonder if that situation somehow unconsciously set me up to feel inferior/stupid as compared to others. The fact is I often don't see something right in front of me, but it doesn't mean I am stupid, it just means I process things differently. Maybe that is all she was trying to determine - how I process things. But it came off in a way that I think meant much more to me. It might have been better had she explained what she was doing and why, rather than telling me it didn't matter/was no big deal.

The things you think about.

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