I was pretty proud of myself when I got this certificate. I think I got the best score on the final exam of anyone else in the class. It feels funny to say that, but I have this thing about not feeling too smart. I remember when I was six I had gone to be assessed for school. The person who was assessing me asked me if I saw something. I didn't. She walked over to it, and when I saw it, I felt stupid that I hadn't seen it. She told me it was no big deal. But the fact is, all of these years later I still remember it. So it very much was a big deal.
I sometimes can't help but wonder if that situation somehow unconsciously set me up to feel inferior/stupid as compared to others. The fact is I often don't see something right in front of me, but it doesn't mean I am stupid, it just means I process things differently. Maybe that is all she was trying to determine - how I process things. But it came off in a way that I think meant much more to me. It might have been better had she explained what she was doing and why, rather than telling me it didn't matter/was no big deal.
The things you think about.