I Feel Naked

So today I had my first "official" haircut since chemo. I had intended to tell the person who cut my hair that she should not take whatever my reaction would be in any way negatively.

But I forgot.

It didn't matter, though, as she understood what I meant and said, "I hate it."

As you can see from the image, it doesn't look much different than it was. The back was what needed the most work. Apparently I did a good job trimming the front. She shaped it some. It was a very simple haircut that was almost unnecessary.

Sadly, for me, it is all I have to work with right now. So it is what it will need to be for the summer. I suppose the plusses are that I won't have to worry about a wig and the heat and I won't have to worry if it rains and my hair gets wet. If the weather is cool enough, you may still see me in wigs. I prefer the way I look in them. Even though they are getting a bit annoying. There is just no way to have it all, sadly enough.

I am used to no wig at home, but being out and about without one was very strange. I really did feel kind of naked and exposed. I have felt since the beginning that my short hair was making a statement, "cancer." I realize that many won't know anything unless I tell them. But *I* know, and it is not my choice. It was/is so not my choice.

Interestingly my hairdresser who has been cutting hair for 16 (if I remember correctly) years, only found out fairly recently that a wig is uncomfortable to wear on a bald head. She was surprised. For that reason, it was probably good I never shaved my head, despite others encouraging me to do so. See? It is good to listen to your own self sometimes.

There is a lot people don't know about cancer and the experience of cancer. There is a lot people don't know, period. I knew nothing about wigs before I had to wear them. I even shared with her today that I found out in the process of everything that the proper hairline for a wig is 4 fingers above the eyebrow.

I kinda wish I didn't have to know that, though.