Monday, May 27, 2013

So Much.

I am so tired today.  Last night I went with a friend to a park to view the alignment of Venus, Mercury and Jupiter. He took his fancy-schmancy 16mp camera and I took my iPad. The above new image was from last night. His fancy camera took some images of the dots in the sky which I may try to post later.

It was such a beautiful evening. Even the bugs agreed. 

The walk around the lake wasn't that much of a walk, but it is more than I have been doing. I wonder if I am paying the price somewhat today, as I am exhausted. I really hate this rollercoaster of energy issues that stems in great part from the chemo. I hate being knocked for a loop any time I extend myself. And it is not like I am doing all that much. 

I should probably try to do more, but when this happens, it makes it a bit (who am I kidding? ALOT) more difficult to contemplate.

In addition, I have been stressed and stretched. Ken Newman and Michael Banks have been working quite diligently to make a successful fundraiser happen on Friday. Ken asked me about texting for donations. I have looked into it a bit, and I am not sure if it is doable. However, it is worth investigating. But it also takes my energy. So does working with them to create some of what they will be doing to advertise and promote the event. 

There are things I am not certain about, but I am saying some things and letting others go. Some are not worth the trouble. Plus they're both stretching themselves on my behalf, and I don't want to drive them too crazy. There are just times that I have a feeling about something, and it is hard to let it go. And there is one thing in this case that keeps bugging the heck out of me. I have wanted to just let it go, but haven't. It may not matter, or be a big deal, but it is something that is definitely nudging me enough not to just let it go without making an effort.

Ayngel has been busy with the film festival and the premiere of the documentary she was in (Uranium Drive In). She has written several blog entries in the last few days. The crew who filmed the documentary were drawn to the story by something Ayngel had written. Boy. Talk about doing something and making a difference. Ayngel had no idea what was going to happen when she wrote what she did. It sounds like she opened up a conversation in a big way by doing something that probably seemed pretty insignificant at the time (although I would need to check with her to be sure that I am right about that).

Ayngel has been on quite a journey the last several years. She has been doing things people didn't want her to do. Things people thought she shouldn't do. Things she knew she needed to do. And now it seems that she is being rewarded for listening to that inner voice. Among other things, she and her family wanted to be able to have a mobile business, and someone recently donated $5,000 for that purpose.

I am so glad to see everything coming to some sort of ripening for her. She has worked very hard, believing in something without much support, and now...and now, who knows? But something happened in a big way this weekend.

It is so hard to do things and not know why I am doing them. I have so many things I try to do. I have so many things that don't get completed. I have so many things that beg me to get done. It is very difficult to know what to do and when to do and how to do it. It is hard enough when you think you are well and you feel there is lots of life ahead of you. It is even harder when you take not even a day for granted.

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