Struggling with an Inside Job

Today, as I was Pinning images on Pinterest, I was finding myself kinda melancholy. (A bit ironic, I think that I have a picture with this entry that has me "blue.") There were some images that took me back to times that were sweet and some times not so sweet.

It was like a walk down memory lane, and a number of the once sweet memories are now bittersweet. I have had a few people tell me to "get over 'A'". To just up and emotionally remove myself from everything.

Can you guess how well that (unsolicited) advice works?

I am getting on with my life. I am doing things. I am moving forward. I am doing as much as I can to take care of myself. But then there are these moments that I have. It is like something comes over me.

It is heavy. It is strong. And it is unshakeable. It is like he is there, and it doesn't matter what I am doing, he is like a program running in the back of my mind. Sometimes "he" runs back there for hours.

The worst part of it is that I have little to no desire for him to be back there. It is over. I know it is over. He has made it clear it is over. I know it is likely in my best interests for it to be over. I even remind myself of the "bad" things, but it only has me feeling worse because then I find myself holding on to something that wasn't so great (which is a whole different feeling than what it feels like to be holding on to something that was great.)

I know I can't be the only one who has this happen. I know it can't be a unique experience. And yet, a simple "let go" "get over it" is what I am told. Don't these people have these types of things happen? Don't they know what happens is not a conscious choice on my part?

I once heard that it takes either twice the amount of time you were with someone (or half the amount of time - I don't remember which) to get over them. Whether it is that formula or not, getting over someone  takes the act of getting over them - and everything you have attached to them. And it is no fun, and it takes whatever it takes to get there.

It is like so many things we deal with. Everyone wants an immediate "fix." If someone could come up with one that really worked, they could be a zillionaire, and then some. But I don't think there is anything that can really help that could come from another's "helpful," rote words.

Like so many other things, it really is more of an inside job.

One I would so much rather not have.

*Ugh*