A Mixed Bag

me today au naturale

As you can see something is growing up top.

I wonder if I was to get someone to cut my hair if I would feel like I could go out with a wig. The thing is there really isn't much hair at the moment, and I really hate to spend money I don't really have on getting a cut.

Although as I say that, I wonder how it would look if I also got some color. But still...it would likely not be worth the money right now.

That might all change come summer. I already was having issues today with a wig because the hair is coming back. I wore a wig cap for the first time in months today in an attempt to cover up the brunette, especially since I was wearing a blonde wig.

It is weird to see me in all of these wigs. And it is weird to see me with such short hair. In some ways, I don't know which one is me, and at the same time, they are all me. It is just a different me than what I had gotten used to. The "funny" thing is that I think I almost like the idea of the short hair. I am kinda getting used to it. I don't know if that is what I want going forward, but it is interesting to entertain it. Not that I really have a choice, LOL.

me today as a blonde

It is interesting how something that was so traumatic at first doesn't feel like such a big deal any more. At one time I wondered what it would be like to cut my hair really short, but I probably never would have done it.

Interesting how cancer gave me an opportunity to see what it would be like. (I wasn't really asking for one, though :P)

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In other news, today my friend told me that it is the end of the road for one of his cats. The sweetest kitty has had a growth for quite some time that has gotten bigger and bigger. And she has been getting smaller and smaller. I was petting her earlier and she has gotten so boney.

Buddies Patootie & Squeek

Monday will be the day. While I have only known this sweet thing for a few years, she has touched me, and I will definitely be missing her. She is also particularly close to another cat that I suspect may feel a bit lost without her companion.

If you do Reiki, or any other form of supportive energy work, I would ask that you send the two kitties energy (Patootie and Squeek) as well as my friend, as I know this can't be easy on him for a myriad of reasons.  And while you are at it, I wouldn't mind some, too, as it does make me really sad as it touches buttons in me, too.

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I have seen several people on Facebook posting recently about the death of loved ones, both furry and human. I also heard about the death of a brother of a childhood friend in the last few days. For something that is as constant and as "real" as death, one might think we would have a better handle on it.

I know I certainly don't look at it the same way any more. There have been times in the past several months that it would have been welcome. It is not that I would want it, not just yet. But if we are going to spend time here, I would think it best to spend it in ways that are truly living, instead of just surviving.

Watching Patootie the last several months has been interesting. She has moved about life, as though everything was just fine, even as the growth got bigger and bigger. I can't help but wonder how much of what we say and do and feel is what we create for ourselves and how much of it is truly apart of the experience we have.

I say that as I think about all of the times that I have felt like anything but myself, and wonder if there is anything I could have done differently. I suspect not, as there were so many times I would have liked to have acted like I was just fine, but really wasn't.

As usual, I have many more questions than answers. But I suspect that asking questions is a good thing. I suspect it is what keeps things going. And there truly are times that a question asked that has no answer at first, gets an answer sooner or later if it is asked enough.

I am even seeing that happening as I prepare for a talk next month. I got an interesting brainstorm today, and am intrigued by the direction that it occurs for me to take. I will be (very) curious to see what develops.

And with that mixed bag, I am done for now.

Have a good one (or two).