What to say to a person who has cancer in their life?

That is a good question.

It was one I never knew how to answer prior to my own experience with it.

One thing that I have found is that people, in their desire to be helpful will often negate my experience. They will tell me everything will be fine, to stay positive, that it's all for the best, blah, blah, blah.

I know they mean well. I know they want to have the "right" words to say that make everything right. I know they are struggling and want to say something that makes them feel better, too.

The "ideal" for me has been when someone has just asked me how I am doing, and then listened. I have found it difficult to interact with someone who is always thinking that being positive is how I need to be. I, more than most I know, realize there may be something to how our mental attitude is. However, I also, more than most I know, recognize how important it is to allow ourselves to occasionally be in the muck.

Life really does suck sometimes. And sometimes an "It sucks" can go a long way when you are talking to someone who is dealing with something sucky that they can't control. A person dealing with cancer likely wants answers even more than you do.  But unfortunately neither one of you will likely be getting any time soon.

cancer is an exercise in being with the great unknown. It is an exercise in being patient and living in the moment.  It is an exercise in living life.  It is an exercise of loving. It is an exercise in growth. It is an exercise that brings in anger. and draws out tears. It is an exercise in acceptance. It is an exercise that can exhaust the mind, the body and the soul. cancer is an exercise that goes on longer than you want it to and has the potential to weaken you in some ways and strengthen you in others. cancer is an exercise in perspective.

cancer challenges everyone in its path because it is at odds with the way that most people experience life. Most people think years out. People who are dealing with cancer often may not think past the day.  Most people think there will always be a tomorrow, and for a long time to come. Those who are dealing with cancer often learn that there is no time like the present. While there may be lessons to be learned and gifts that cancer provides, it is best up to the person dealing with it to make those kinds of statements, and come to those types of realizations.

You may think you need to say something special to a person who is dealing with cancer. But the thing is, more than likely s/he will appreciate you just talking to them in the first place, and in the second place appreciate you not pussy-footing around them. Talking to them normally helps more than you may realize. Let the person decide when they need special treatment instead of insisting on giving it to them all of the time.

Above all, focus on love. It will help you to treat the person in a loving way even when you may have times you think you can't stand them, or a minute more of the situation. It will also help you have the patience you need when you don't know what to say or how to be and the person isn't giving you a clue of what to do, because s/he doesn't have a clue themselves, and is coping the only way they know how - which may not even be coping at all. At which point, they will need your love more than ever.

Not sure what to say to a person who has cancer?

Listen.

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